Not something I EVER thought I would do and yet here I am. Finger-knitting. Arm-knitting. And I like it.
I am young, and hip and….wait, no I’m not. If I have to tell you that I am hip and young then I most certainly am not hip or young lol. And it’s ok. While there was a time that knitting was associated with lil old ladies and rocking chairs; it is now a younger crowd doing big things with their hooks and needles.
Which leads me to me…..
As you have read (maybe, if you have read my blog before this post, which I hope you have because….just just reading) I have been dealing with depression and anxiety, recently exacerbated by the death of my mother.
Knit thru it.
When she was ill, I taught her to finger knit to keep her hands agile and to keep her mind busy. It was such a great time, me being her teacher. She made a few pieces and she was so proud, Her face lit up like a kindergartner coloring inside the lines for the first time.
When she was in the hospital, I would sit in her room and finger knit the seconds away, always bright happy colors to break up the bland, beige monotony of her hospital room. In her awake moments, we would talk about what the colors reminded us of, and would then name each piece accordingly. She would smile and it would make our time there a little easier to handle.
Once she passed, I taught myself to arm knit, as i promised her I would. It took a few tries but I got it and I could feel her smile. I am now generally drawn to yarn with lots of colors, as it reminds me of her.
As I worked on a scarf just this evening, I looked at the jumbled mess of string and it hit me: skeins are like people – strands of color (emotions) heading in all directions waiting for someone to stretch them out and make something new.
I too am sometimes a jumbled mess of emotions. It isn’t always pretty and it can get dark sometimes, but with a lil time and some careful unraveling, I too can and will be something beautiful. Some days it happens pretty quick; other days, it takes its time. And that’s ok.
So these days, when I am all the way in my feelings and not real sure which way is up, I knit. I get lost in the color and the feel of the yarn and I knit. And it calms me.
I knit thru it.
When you are a jumbled mess of emotions, what do you do to calm yourself?