My grandmother had a code; if she thought your child was negatively attractive, she would only comment on the child’s clothing, or their shoes or something, never their looks, because in her mind they didn’t have any.
Now, most of us think our children are really cute, and we love them with all we have. But how do we tell someone that their bundle of joy is fugly, migraine inducing, un-cute?
We don’t. We tell the proud parents that they have chosen the best outfit for the baby (you know to take away from the face) and we pray we don’t go to hell for it. We go home and tell people we saw Dick and Jane’s baby and, well let’s just say they should not have had sex together.
Does this make us bad people? Yes.
Are we going to hell for lying? Yes.
As Clairee Belcher eloquently said, “If you don’t have anything nice to say, sit next to me.”
So the next time you see a baby that makes your eyes water or wonder about the family tree it obviously fell from, think of something clever to say so that it isn’t SO obvious that you think the baby is butt fuckin’ ugly negatively attractive un-cute….you know like, Where did you find that outfit? It matches the shoes perfectly!