Want some spackle for that crack?

Ok, so today while out tooling around town in my super sexy mom mobile (read Dodge Grand Caravan SXT), I saw an INSANE amount of cracks. They were EVERYWHERE!!!!

I could not believe the amount of crackage outside on this lovely Friday afternoon. And then I remembered.  Kids are out of school. Everyone doesn’t wear uniforms. Sigh.

I want to get a billboard, or a speaker on the roof of my van and shout to the world – PULL YO DAM PANTS UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am not your mother, girlfriend, grandma, big mama, ma’dear, boo, shawty, etc. so I do not wanna see your underwear. PERIOD.  I am tired of seeing you nut-jobs walk down the street pulling your pants up because you have them fastened around your thighs. I am tired of seeing old man plaid boxers, tighty whiteys, and stained boxer briefs (eww!).  You can’t run for the bus (because if you were driving, I would not see your nasty behind because you would be sitting on it) or walk down the street without reaching down to pull your pants up.  Here’s a thought genius – PULL YOUR DAM PANTS UP!

There is NOTHING attractive about sagging. NOTHING. And in spite of the rumored prison association with sagging pants, why would you want to associate yourself with such foolishness?

And ladies, the shit is not cute on your man. Ever. Period.  Realize that if he really liked you, he would not be showing the world ‘your ass’.

How in the world are we supposed to take you seriously if you are standing there pulling at your crotch and I have to look at your nasty drawls?

Young men, get it together and start looking like young men. Get a haircut. Shave and maintain your facial hair. Leave the gold for rings and chains, not teeth. Speak clearly. And for goodness sakes, pull your dam pants up!

Because if you don’t, I will start an association of people tired of looking at ass cracks and we will be armed with face masks and spackle. Your choice. Consider yourself warned.