One (almost) Down

I haven’t written for a while and for that I am sorry. I have a need to bring you up to speed on where life has had me for the past year. Life has taken me to the Valley of Death, and then tattooed me with grief. In a little over a year, I became my mother’s caretaker, and then I became an adult orphan.

(This space has been left intentionally blank because tears….)

There are so many words I could use to describe how all of this has effected, but alas, I am at a loss right now.

I struggle as a friend, because I lost my first one.

I struggle as a mother, because I lost mine.

I struggle as a wife/woman because I lost my role model.

(This space has been left intentionally blank because admitting is the first step.)

Sometimes I think my grief has a day job, because it comes around when I need it least – night. Sleep seems to have taken on a 3rd shift position because grief is active when I should be turning my brain off.  So sleep eludes me and there isn’t much I can do about it.

Nine days from now my mother will have been gone an entire year. And it feels like yesterday. Or this morning.

But if I can get through the last 300+ days, I can get through the next 9.

(This space has been left intentionally blank because breathing….)


Me and My Butterfly, March 2014

2 Responses to One (almost) Down

  1. Kari says:

    I’m here and I’ve got lots of love for you whenever you’re ready.
    Take your time, sweet friend.
    Take your time.

  2. Randyl says:

    This is pretty much how I feel. The night is so hard; just me, my thoughts, and not her…

    Sending you love. Miss her soo much.

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