Hello, my name is Captain Hysterical and I am an addict.
It has taken me MONTHS to actually finish that sentence. It is said that the first step to recovery is to admit you have a problem. Well, I have a problem. I am an addict.
Now before you go and get The Betty Ford Clinic on the line or schedule an intervention, relax. I am not addicted to anything illegal. My addictions are perfectly legal, but it doesn’t change the addiction. And yes, now that your ears have perked out of curiosity, I will share my addictions with you…..
Caffeine. Pepsi, Starbucks, Godiva, Ghiradelli, Lipton, Gevalia – doesn’t matter. At first I thought my addiction was to coffee, but soon realized that wasn’t exactly the case. I tried to like decaf, honest I did; but that crap taste like stale water. And I am quite particular about who my dealer is, as you can tell my by little list. Sure, I’ve slummed – Cherry Coke, Gloria Jeans, Nestle – but as the song goes, Ain’t nuthin like the real thing baby! I am a caffeine snob, and that’s sad. But it is my life. I carry coffee packets in my purse, you know in case where I am headed has inferior coffee. If they don’t carry Pepsi, I am FORCED to drink water! My body has told me on several occasions to get some help, lay off the caffeine for a while; but somehow I always end up in line at Starbucks (stand alone, Target, mall kiosk), ordering a Venti Americano, with classic. Dam, now I want some coffee….
Purses. I love bags. I am pretty sure this is apart of my hoarding issues. Bags hold everything so you never have to throw it away. I can admit I have an issue letting things go, as you read about previously (Mourning My Stuff). I also do not have a problem with replicas or inspired by’s; especially since my current ‘dream purse’ is $1,700.00. Even if I could afford it, I wouldn’t buy it. I do have some sense, geez….
Cake. Oh sweet cake, how I do love thee. I have not quite decided if I am addicted to cake, or if I just have a deep obsession love for it. Remember I told you about that one before too (Cake is your friend). I have noticed that the more time I have alone, the more I want cake. Hmmm, maybe I should have some friends over….oh, oh, oh I could serve them cake! Oh, wait, that kind of defeats the purpose doesn’t it? (Oh and um, yea, this is a real sweatshirt that I have ordered. I am SO stoked about it!)
Wow, that was kind of cathartic. And I mean, like most things, moderation is the key. So I can have one cup of coffee a day, one Pepsi a day, one new purse a month, one cake a week. Right? Am I really that delusional? Yea, you are probably right….
Well, at least I can tell you about my addictions. Can you do the same? Can you look your demon in the face and say yea, I’m an addict, and I will moderate you! (Wow, that sounded really silly, I think I need a Pepsi to help me think straight…or I could head over to Target, grab an Americano, a slice of lemon loaf and check out their purse selection….)